My weight

At the moment im a size 12 (u.s size 8) But i'd really like to be a 6-8 (u.s size 2-4) . I weigh around 11 stone, and i think i'll need to lose about 2-3 stone to achieve this. I've struggled with bulimia and am still getting over it. So i don't want to go all eating disorder. But i do want to lose weight fast. Within the next 2 months i want to lose 2 stone. By any means necessary. I'm going to attempt a twenty day fresh juice/water fast. I'm going to start it tommorow. I'll go buy some nice fresh juices from wherever. I'm quite excited, and i'm going to have a nice feist tonight! :) I love juice, so i hope i can stick to it. I tried the master cleanse, but it was impossible because the mixture was so vile!! So this should be good, i hope i can do it. I need to do it. I'm so insecure about my weight. I see all these amazing clothes which i feel i just can't wear, because of my huge bum and thighs, and my jelly belly and love handles. I'm just so chunky and big. I'm quite tallish, but i seem to be shrinking. I was 5 ft 7, now i'm 5 ft 6. And sometimes you shrink when you lose weight, so maybe i'll be 5 ft by december. Or maybe not. I also have a really fat face. I'm close to having a double chin,and have flabby cheeks. I do have nice high apple cheeks and cheekbones, but they are covered in flab. I need to lose that so my face looks nice, rather than a blob. Then my features will look nicer. I have quite nice blue eyes, a button nose and quite big, full lips. But my fatness and my spots make those features seem in the background rather than stand out like i'd want them too. I need to do this!! Big time!

My skin

Arrrghh i hate my skin. I have moderate acne, which i've had for like 1 1/2 years. I finally have an appointment with a dermatologist, but its not until christmas eve! Hopefully there will be a cancelation and we can slot in. I'm so desperate! I hate my skin so much! I actually stole a wash from my friends house in london. its a panoxyl 10 wash, its meant to really work. Its kind of dried out my skin and made it a bit itchy though, but i'd rather that than spots. You only use it once a day, and i used it twice because i didn't read the directions. If it works i'll get my mum to actually buy some more, but we'll just have to wait and see! I'm also going to try and drink much more water, because i drink hardly any. Two litres a day. Its supposed to do wonders for the skin, flush out all those toxins. Its good for cellulite aswell, apparantly. And weight loss. Anyway... i really want my skin to clear before i next go and see my friends. Because it was seriously disgusting when i was there this time. But i didn't care, i was just thinking about next time. It will clear up! It just has to!

The First Blog

Well.. its half term, mid-week. I've just got back from staying at a friends. Basically i moved from london to a seaside town, and its a bit shit at the moment. Life is a bit shit to be honest. I have horrible acne which won't leave my face, and my stress is not helping the matter. I need to lose weight aswell, like 3 stone. I weigh like 11 stone, its really gross. Anyway, yeah i moved, and i havn't settled yet, at all. I don't really have any proper friends yet either, so its lonely times. I have a trip to paris approaching soon, so fingers crossed, that should mean making some new friends. Theres a few girls who i'm friendly with who i'm going with, and they seem really cool and stuff. And theres a boy who i really like who's going. It should be a good trip. And i have about 4 weeks to lose some weight before i go. I'm going to do a juice fast I think. Also I need to stop chewing my hair, as its making my skin worse. Its a terrible habit. I've unfortunatly taken up smoking again, but i'm only on 5 a day, so its not too bad. But i can barely afford that. I soooo need a job. I went to an interview a few days ago, and am awaiting to hear from them. Fingers crossed! Its just christmas temp work, but it will probably mean i could carry on working there, as long as i do a good job over christmas. I think i'm going to make a "To do list" blog soon. So yeah, theres my first rant of many!